The feelings that no mother wants to talk about

I asked a group of women to discuss issues pertaining to motherhood including concerns with parenting, their fears, and triumphs. You are not going to believe what they said – or maybe you will! The words isolation, depression, and need for boundaries were repeated in many interviews. Many of you can probably relate to this.

Mothers are yearning for more help and are desperate for connection and community. The women I spoke to miss their old selves and the amount of time they had for personal development. They have fears of dying and also in general fear to live fully. They worry their reactions are going to cause long term damage to their children.

After speaking with eight women these were the trending feelings:

• There is not enough time, especially for themselves
• They feel they are alone or the only ones making decisions
• They have a hard time making it all work and finding balance
• Patience is impossible
• They are constantly worried about decisions and safety
• There is a constant fear of death or leaving their child
• They lack the coping skills to create a healthy family
• Constantly worry about letting the past rule how they presently parent
• They all want more joy, – less worry
• Their primary frustrations are lack of time, isolation, lack of resources, and fear of losing independence
• They are depressed, ashamed, isolated, lonely, and need more resources
• Wish they had more community and a group of women to turn to
• They mourn their old selves, have a hard time managing emotions, suffer from low self esteem and depression
• They want to feel comfortable socially – surrounded by similar people in calm environment where they can find true connection

This group of women speaks for a nation in need of mothering. Many women have a hard time adjusting into their new role and it is no surprise as we live in an isolated society. There is pressure to “perform” in so many realms of life – and we multitask to exhaustion. Many parents try to control their children in order to make them selves feel safe. They lose our temper even when their children are just trying to play. These are the moments of shame, hidden so deep within our society everyone is about to explode.

Rather than just accepting the child in front of us, or the situation at hand, we resist and resist. These barriers to acceptance are rooted in our past conditioning. When we react, we are not actually responding to the moment in front of us, but to some subconscious patterning buried so deep that we can not remember why it hurts so much. Children teach us to accept life as it is. They remind us that we must always transform and grow and give up a rigid sense of attachment of the ways things are supposed to be. They do not cause us to feel these emotions previously mentioned – these feelings were in us all along and are just being magnified. Children come to help us grow up as most of us are still children ourselves.

It is time to change our communities and the way we approach parenting. It is time to manage our emotions and create conscious connections. We need to do this one person at a time, then one family at a time, until entire communities are different.

I Am Happy Meditation for Children and Adults

Yogi Bhajan gave this meditation specifically for children to use in times when their parents are fighting and going through a crisis, but it can be done anytime All variations in movement work well, especially for younger children. It will help inspire confidence in children.

Posture:
Sit in Easy Pose with legs crossed

Mantra:
I Am Happy, I Am Good, I Am Happy, I Am Good.
Sat Naam, Sat Naam, Sat Naam Jee
Wha-Hay Guroo, Wha-Hay Guroo, Wha-Hay Guroo Jee

Mudra:
In the rhythm of the mantra, the children shake their index fingers up and down (like their parents might sometimes do when they are reproaching the child).